SAYING GOODBYE TO A FAMILY FRIEND

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a family friend. Jack Wiggins, who was 92 when he died, had been a family friend for as long as I could remember. He was also an invisible warrior (black men and women who served during World War II). When I started working on my book, I drove 50 miles from my home in Raleigh North Carolina to his home in Nash County. When I got to the house I knocked several times, but no one answered. I later learned Mr. Jack, as we knew him, no longer lived in the aging, clapboard house he had lived in when I was a child. He had moved into a mobile home behind the house. That was two years ago. I planned to go back to interview Mr. Jack but never found the time – now I have lost my chance to interview him. Another warrior has taken his story to the grave.

After the funeral, I talked to Mr. Jack's son and his younger brother, but neither could give me much information about this warrior's service. His son, Toby did remember his father mentioning that the father had been a truck driver in the Army. Toby also believed his father served in Europe. I went to ancestry.com and found Mr. Jack's enlistment information. In 1942, Mr. Jack received his draft notice; he enlisted in the Army on April 30, 1942. As a truck driver he was probably assigned to a quartermaster unit. He may have been a part of the Red Ball Express: one of World War II's most massive logisitics operations, namely a fleet of over 6,000 trucks and trailers that delivered over 412,000 tons of ammunition, food, and fuel (and then some!) to the Allied armies in the ETO between August 25 and November 16, 1944, http://www.skylighters.org/redball. Or he may have been a truck driver in Italy where my uncle drove trucks.

I do not know how Mr. Jack felt about serving his country. I imagine he faced the same racism other warriors faced. I have no way of knowing how Mr. Jack handled serving in a segregated army. He grew up in North Carolina and probably had personal knowledge of bigotry. Still he fulfilled his commitment to his country, came home to his wife and child and went to work on my family's farm. My parents and the Wiggins quickly became close friends.

I remember Mr. Jack as a very handsome, gentle, and understanding man. His wife, Betty Blanche, who died in 1975, had been one my mother's closest friends. In my mother's later life Mama and Mr. Jack, the widow and widower spoke by telephone twice a day. My siblings and I were indebted to him for his friendship with our mother in her later years.

Now this warrior is at peace. I never got the chance to thank him for his service or his friendship with my mother. As an Army soldier folded the flag from Mr. Jack's coffin, and a bugler blew taps I stood at attention and rendered a salute. Then I silently mouthed, 'Thank you Mr. Jack for paving the way for me to serve my country.'

The men and women of the greatest generation have passed the baton to my generation and they a taking their well deserved rest.
Copyright © Sharon D. Powell, 2010 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

DO WE STILL NEED MARRIAGE? MY TAKE

I'm still working on Black Women of WW II. In the meantime as a psychologist there are certain social issues I consider important to talk about. Today's topic is marriage and children:

Today I read an article titled Rethinking Marriage. The World Has Changed. It's Time! By Melissa Harris-Lacewell, The Nation. Posted October 19, 2009 http://www.alternet.org/sex/143374/rethinking_marriage._the_world_has_changed._it's_time!?utm_source=feedblitz&utm_medium=FeedBlitzRss&utm_campaign=alternet.
She asks if marriage is dead and then argues for marriage. Harris-Lacewell reminds those of us who are the descendents of slaves that our ancestors struggled under the most inhuman institution, but found ways to maintain their marriages – marriages that were not recognized by the state. In spite of our ancestors commitment to marriage she notes that today black women are less likely to marry than any other ethnic or racial group. This is troubling as there are more black children born to single mothers than married mothers – Dad is often missing. Research suggests children thrive better in two parent homes -- as long as they are safe and emotionally healthy homes.

I agree with the author when she suggests that marriage -- at least a bad marriage can be unbearable -- been there, done that. I also agree with her when she says that it is possible to have a fulfilling marriage. I guess divorcees like me just have to be willing to take that chance again. The first step in changing the trend is to raise sons who make good husbands.

Another author Patrick Welsh http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/15/AR2009101503477.html?nav=hcmoduletmvin Sunday’s, October 18, 2009 Washington Post Op-Ed Making the Grade Isn't About Race. It's about Parents, argues that the absence of fathers is the main reason many black children do not do well in school and ultimately take out their anger and frustration on society. I agree with this author as well. In defense of single mothers – I am divorced and was a single parent. However, I don’t believe most mothers set out to be single parents – I certainly did not – my marriages failed (yes, there were two). What I've learned as a psychologist is that children need two parents and they blamed themselves when Dad is not there. Children who have loving, nurturing fathers feel safe and loved. They also have a strong desire to excel and are less likely to succumb to negative peer pressure.

WHAT ARE THE SOLUTIONS? We must encourage our sons to change their value systems. We must help our sons to understand that they cannot simply be sperm donors but rather be husbands and fathers – before their children are conceived. We must also help our daughters to understand the need to postpone sex, focus on understanding what their values are hold out for men who share their values and will be suitable husbands and fathers – before they hop in bed. Fathers must demonstrate to their sons how to be fathers by modeling fathering. Finally, parents of sons must learn to hold those sons to the same expectation they hold their daughters to.
Copyright © Sharon D. Powell, 2009 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED